So here I am, years later, having fallen a gazillion times (and continue to do so) and notice that things are changing in my life. I'm not sure that I like some of the changes (like broken relationships), but I'll have to accept and live with them. The closer I draw to Christ, the more my closest relationships fall away. I'm repeatedly told "you're no fun anymore" or "you think you're better than everyone else." To the contrary, I'd say I'm a happier person overall, and I try, at least, to acknowledge my faults. I will though, hold other Christians accountable, as I expect other Christians to hold me accountable. That's how we remain strong in Christ. Don't mistake accountability for judgement or condemnation. My friend Cindi "pulled me to the mat" about an issue last year, and for that I am forever grateful. She held me accountable, and because she did, I refrained from making a huge mistake that could have resulted in a lifetime of resentment from my daughter. It is when we're on the verge of making selfish decisions that we need to be held accountable. Being selfless is being Christ-like. Since we are not infallible, it's our sinful nature that drives a wedge between us and Christ.
My goal before I leave this earth is to become what Proverbs 31 defines as a "Capable Wife." (the wife part will happen in His time...and I am waiting patiently). In raising two girls and guiding a young man, it's my job to be Christ to them, and as much as possible, be Christ to the world. What does that mean?? That means living my life as closely as I can to what scripture dictates. I can no longer raise my kids with the "do as I say, not as I do" attitude. I cannot, in good conscience, say I'm a devout Christian, and then feed into the World's stereotypes of what Christians are and are not. No, we are not perfect, however, I don't feel that the promise of salvation gives us free reign to sin all over the place, as if we have a 'get out of hell free' card. In the Epistle of James, when he said "faith without works is dead", he meant, if you have true faith, your work will show your level of faith. I'm closely monitoring my level of faith to increase it day after day. Some days may be easier that others, but that's my goal. It may not seem like fun, but I'm basking in the glory of God's love, and that makes my life fun...to me!!
And so, here I am, on that desolate road, the road less traveled. The not-so-fun (to some) road. I wish the Lord would restore my broken relationships. And if it is His will, thine will be done. Until then, I am coming to grips with the solitude of the road less traveled. But I'm not traveling completely alone...the Lord is my driver and navigator!!